1 Peter 3:7 teaches that husbands most effectively love their wives when they seek to understand them and when they treat them with honor as an equal partner in life. Peter warns husbands if they don’t honor their wives, God will dismiss their prayers.
1 Peter 3:71 Peter 3:7 commentary further develops the instruction for how believers find God’s best through voluntary submission to others, focusing on service to God through being a godly husband. Peter has so far encouraged believers to freely decide to submit to the government and employers, and for wives to submit to their husbands. Here in verse 7, he will instruct husbands to serve their wives. By prioritizing the needs of the other, we are submitting to God “in the same way” (v. 1) as submitting to earthly authorities.
In the preceding context to Chapter 3, Peter summarized how to live out the will of God in a foreign land (1 Peter 2:15-171 Peter 2:15-17 commentary). It is worth remembering that the audience of the Apostle Peter’s letter are Jews who are away from home, living for a God who is not accepted by the Roman government or Roman culture. Therefore, these believers are cultural misfits:
“To those who reside as aliens, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia, who are chosen.” (1 Peter 1:11 Peter 1:1 commentary)
Peter’s solution for this difficult circumstance is to embrace the identity of being an exile. Not just as exiles from Israel, but also as exiles from the World System. The word translated “aliens” in 1 Peter 1:11 Peter 1:1 commentary is also translated “pilgrims”—someone on a journey.
Our true citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 3:20Philippians 3:20 commentary) while our current existence is here on this earth. We are all on a journey to our true home. Our job is to bless the earth while here. But our ultimate destination and citizenship is in a new earth where righteousness dwells (2 Peter 3:132 Peter 3:13 commentary). The idea of exile and return is a theme throughout the Bible. Humanity is exiled from Eden (Genesis 3:24Genesis 3:24 commentary). Those who are faithful stewards who serve will return to reign in a new earth (Revelation 3:21Revelation 3:21 commentary, 21:1-421:1-4 commentary)
When the Jews were exiled from Judah to Babylon for 70 years (586 BC), God instructed them to bless that foreign land, to build houses, raise families, to pray for that land, and to seek peace (“shalom”) for the cities in which they dwelt (Jeremiah 29:4-7Jeremiah 29:4-7 commentary). “Shalom” is the idea of harmony—things working in perfect step with one another as God designed. Righteousness is a similar idea.
Believers in Christ are to do the same as the Judean exiles; they are to bring “shalom” (peace) to their surroundings. They are to live as a righteous example. This is true in general, but specifically in marriage.
Now Peter addresses husbands, how they ought to love and serve their wives. By serving their wives as Peter explains, husbands can bring peace (“shalom”) into their own homes and work in perfect step with God’s design:
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered (v. 7).
Just like wives should seek the best for their husbands, husbands should serve their wives. Just as with the wives, the husbands should submit in the same way. To live with understanding is to submit to the needs of the wife, which is to address the needs in the same way the wife is to do for the husband.
This is a call for men to have courage. From the standpoint of a man, it takes courage to try to understand a woman. But it is his job as a husband to live with his wife in an understanding way. In order to understand wives, men need to engage. This is frightening for most if not all men. They are soul-shy and prefer to engage relationally as little as possible.
In Ephesians 5Ephesians 5 commentary, commentary Paul tells men that the way to love their wives as Christ sacrificially loved the church is to use words to elevate our wives to be their best. This then serves their best interest in the long run. Jesus will sanctify His church, His bride, “having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word” (Ephesians 5:26Ephesians 5:26 commentary). The application of husbands loving their wives as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25Ephesians 5:25 commentary) includes using words to help their wives grow in sanctification with Christ.
Since men avoid risk of rejection, using words to “sanctify” takes courage. Certainly, Jesus does not always tell us what we want to hear. Jesus tells us what is for our best (Hebrews 12:3Hebrews 12:3 commentary; Revelation 3:12Revelation 3:12 commentary). Husbands are far from having the knowledge or authority of Jesus. But they are to engage with their wives in love, seeking to help them grow their inner beauty.
Women are prone to use words, and are exhorted instead to use example (1 Peter 3:1-41 Peter 3:1-4 commentary). Men are reluctant to use words, but are exhorted to have the courage to love by using words. In each case, the objective is to serve the other in love. In each instance, by serving our spouse in love we are seeking our own best interest.
In the Garden of Eden, Adam was apparently standing right there with Eve, watching the serpent tempt his wife. He did not intervene to protect Eve, and he knowingly disobeyed God because she asked him to:
“and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.” (Genesis 3:6Genesis 3:6 commentary)
The Apostle Paul states that only Eve was tricked by the serpent’s lies, while Adam was not. His motivation in eating was apparently to gain approval from his wife:
“And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.” (1 Timothy 2:141 Timothy 2:14 commentary)
Men are supposed to be willing to be an “Adam” who, instead of standing and watching, steps in and tells their “Eve”: “I don’t think you should eat the fruit.”
By application, it would seem that men should:
Engage with relational, soul-level words in order to understand their wives
Risk rejection (which Adam apparently wasn’t willing to risk), and use words in order to help wives be their best possible self. We are to seek their best, speaking the truth in love.
Men generally would rather appease than engage. But for a man to really love his wife, a man needs the courage to rise above concern about rejection and seek her best.
Women show honor to husbands through a godly example and by using words of respect. Men show honor to wives by engaging relationally and using words of understanding.
The Greek word translated weaker from the phrase as with someone weaker, since she is a woman (v. 7) is used in other passages where someone needs help or aid. What aid does a woman need? Women endure pain better than men. They endure being alone better—So what do they need?
Wives need the husband’s invitation to share life with him in order to fulfill her design. This comes through being treated as a fellow heir of the grace of life (v. 7).
The grace of life refers to the immense privilege we have to be granted life in this world. The word translated grace is “charis” which means “favor” as in Luke 2:52Luke 2:52 commentary which says Jesus grew in favor (“charis”) with God and man. It is a great privilege to be given life on this earth. And for believers it is a great privilege to be made a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:172 Corinthians 5:17 commentary).
A fellow heir is a partner. God made Eve to be a helper to Adam. A partner. God pronounced that it was not good for Adam to be alone (Genesis 2:18Genesis 2:18 commentary). He created a partner for Adam to share with him in life. God’s purpose was for the two to become one (Matthew 19:5Matthew 19:5 commentary).
To have a partnership, you need a partner. It takes two to dance. Wives need a partner with whom to dance. In order to dance, they need an invitation.
The word translated “helper” in Genesis 2:18Genesis 2:18 commentary is used twenty-one times in the Old Testament (“ʿēzer”); in all but a few instances it is used to describe God. God is our helper. To be a helper is to act in the image of God. Women have a high and holy, made-in-the-image-of-God-like calling:
“Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.” (Psalm 33:20Psalm 33:20 commentary)
But to be a helper requires an invitation to dance from the partner, the husband.
When husbands don’t invite wives into their lives, to fully share as a partner in all they do, they are preventing their wife from fulfilling her calling as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
It is a challenge for men to do this. This is not something men do naturally. Men are focused. Men don’t like vulnerability. They don’t like exposing themselves to potential rejection by telling their wives something they think will help but they might not like (“Eve, I recommend you don’t eat that fruit”). But men need to embrace all these things and honor their wives. To serve their wives ultimately benefits themselves (Ephesians 5:28Ephesians 5:28 commentary).
This passage ends with a sobering reality—if husbands don’t treat their wives with honor and understanding, their prayers will be hindered. If men won’t invite their wives to partner with them in life, God won’t invite men of the church (His bride) to partner with Him.
The biblical pattern is that God does for us what we do to others. This is often His judgement. It is also His forgiveness, as we see in the Lord’s prayer, which asks God to forgive us just as we forgive others. Afterwards Jesus explains,
“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:14-15Matthew 6:14-15 commentary).
For men, if they love their wives, they will seek to understand their wives. They will seek to invite their wives to fully partner, so that their prayers won’t be hindered (so that God’s partnership with you won’t be inhibited by your failure to honor your wife).
This all boils down to discovering ways to love one another like Jesus loves us. Sometimes Jesus says things we don’t want to hear—like telling us to focus on the needs of our spouse over our own needs. That can be hard. Sometimes truth is difficult. Sometimes patience is difficult. Each situation requires wisdom to know what is best.
But God is our partner. We can love our spouse as service to God. The church is the bride of Christ, and Christ is the example of how to love as a husband should love (Ephesians 5:32Ephesians 5:32 commentary). Jesus gave Himself for our benefit. Wives have the high and holy opportunity to provide an example to their husbands of how to engage constructively as a helper to Jesus. Men have the high and holy opportunity to love their wives in a sacrificial manner, as Christ loves the church.
To love one another means to love our spouses. That means putting their needs over our own, and loving them by helping them find God’s calling, to fulfill their design. For men, this means risking vulnerability and using words to help our wives be their best. It means to open up to them and invite them to partner in all we do. For women, it means avoiding words of criticism, and instead using words that honor. It means focusing not only on outer appearance, but inner beauty, with an example of godly character, as unto the Lord.
When we love our spouse, we are loving God, and we are the greatest beneficiary.
Set to dark mode
1 Peter 3:7 meaning
1 Peter 3:71 Peter 3:7 commentary further develops the instruction for how believers find God’s best through voluntary submission to others, focusing on service to God through being a godly husband. Peter has so far encouraged believers to freely decide to submit to the government and employers, and for wives to submit to their husbands. Here in verse 7, he will instruct husbands to serve their wives. By prioritizing the needs of the other, we are submitting to God “in the same way” (v. 1) as submitting to earthly authorities.
In the preceding context to Chapter 3, Peter summarized how to live out the will of God in a foreign land (1 Peter 2:15-171 Peter 2:15-17 commentary). It is worth remembering that the audience of the Apostle Peter’s letter are Jews who are away from home, living for a God who is not accepted by the Roman government or Roman culture. Therefore, these believers are cultural misfits:
“To those who reside as aliens, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia, who are chosen.”
(1 Peter 1:11 Peter 1:1 commentary)
Peter’s solution for this difficult circumstance is to embrace the identity of being an exile. Not just as exiles from Israel, but also as exiles from the World System. The word translated “aliens” in 1 Peter 1:11 Peter 1:1 commentary is also translated “pilgrims”—someone on a journey.
Our true citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 3:20Philippians 3:20 commentary) while our current existence is here on this earth. We are all on a journey to our true home. Our job is to bless the earth while here. But our ultimate destination and citizenship is in a new earth where righteousness dwells (2 Peter 3:132 Peter 3:13 commentary). The idea of exile and return is a theme throughout the Bible. Humanity is exiled from Eden (Genesis 3:24Genesis 3:24 commentary). Those who are faithful stewards who serve will return to reign in a new earth (Revelation 3:21Revelation 3:21 commentary, 21:1-421:1-4 commentary)
When the Jews were exiled from Judah to Babylon for 70 years (586 BC), God instructed them to bless that foreign land, to build houses, raise families, to pray for that land, and to seek peace (“shalom”) for the cities in which they dwelt (Jeremiah 29:4-7Jeremiah 29:4-7 commentary). “Shalom” is the idea of harmony—things working in perfect step with one another as God designed. Righteousness is a similar idea.
Believers in Christ are to do the same as the Judean exiles; they are to bring “shalom” (peace) to their surroundings. They are to live as a righteous example. This is true in general, but specifically in marriage.
Now Peter addresses husbands, how they ought to love and serve their wives. By serving their wives as Peter explains, husbands can bring peace (“shalom”) into their own homes and work in perfect step with God’s design:
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered (v. 7).
Just like wives should seek the best for their husbands, husbands should serve their wives. Just as with the wives, the husbands should submit in the same way. To live with understanding is to submit to the needs of the wife, which is to address the needs in the same way the wife is to do for the husband.
This is a call for men to have courage. From the standpoint of a man, it takes courage to try to understand a woman. But it is his job as a husband to live with his wife in an understanding way. In order to understand wives, men need to engage. This is frightening for most if not all men. They are soul-shy and prefer to engage relationally as little as possible.
In Ephesians 5Ephesians 5 commentary, commentary Paul tells men that the way to love their wives as Christ sacrificially loved the church is to use words to elevate our wives to be their best. This then serves their best interest in the long run. Jesus will sanctify His church, His bride, “having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word” (Ephesians 5:26Ephesians 5:26 commentary). The application of husbands loving their wives as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25Ephesians 5:25 commentary) includes using words to help their wives grow in sanctification with Christ.
Since men avoid risk of rejection, using words to “sanctify” takes courage. Certainly, Jesus does not always tell us what we want to hear. Jesus tells us what is for our best (Hebrews 12:3Hebrews 12:3 commentary; Revelation 3:12Revelation 3:12 commentary). Husbands are far from having the knowledge or authority of Jesus. But they are to engage with their wives in love, seeking to help them grow their inner beauty.
Women are prone to use words, and are exhorted instead to use example (1 Peter 3:1-41 Peter 3:1-4 commentary). Men are reluctant to use words, but are exhorted to have the courage to love by using words. In each case, the objective is to serve the other in love. In each instance, by serving our spouse in love we are seeking our own best interest.
In the Garden of Eden, Adam was apparently standing right there with Eve, watching the serpent tempt his wife. He did not intervene to protect Eve, and he knowingly disobeyed God because she asked him to:
“and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.”
(Genesis 3:6Genesis 3:6 commentary)
The Apostle Paul states that only Eve was tricked by the serpent’s lies, while Adam was not. His motivation in eating was apparently to gain approval from his wife:
“And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.”
(1 Timothy 2:141 Timothy 2:14 commentary)
Men are supposed to be willing to be an “Adam” who, instead of standing and watching, steps in and tells their “Eve”: “I don’t think you should eat the fruit.”
By application, it would seem that men should:
Men generally would rather appease than engage. But for a man to really love his wife, a man needs the courage to rise above concern about rejection and seek her best.
Women show honor to husbands through a godly example and by using words of respect. Men show honor to wives by engaging relationally and using words of understanding.
The Greek word translated weaker from the phrase as with someone weaker, since she is a woman (v. 7) is used in other passages where someone needs help or aid. What aid does a woman need? Women endure pain better than men. They endure being alone better—So what do they need?
Wives need the husband’s invitation to share life with him in order to fulfill her design. This comes through being treated as a fellow heir of the grace of life (v. 7).
The grace of life refers to the immense privilege we have to be granted life in this world. The word translated grace is “charis” which means “favor” as in Luke 2:52Luke 2:52 commentary which says Jesus grew in favor (“charis”) with God and man. It is a great privilege to be given life on this earth. And for believers it is a great privilege to be made a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:172 Corinthians 5:17 commentary).
A fellow heir is a partner. God made Eve to be a helper to Adam. A partner. God pronounced that it was not good for Adam to be alone (Genesis 2:18Genesis 2:18 commentary). He created a partner for Adam to share with him in life. God’s purpose was for the two to become one (Matthew 19:5Matthew 19:5 commentary).
To have a partnership, you need a partner. It takes two to dance. Wives need a partner with whom to dance. In order to dance, they need an invitation.
The word translated “helper” in Genesis 2:18Genesis 2:18 commentary is used twenty-one times in the Old Testament (“ʿēzer”); in all but a few instances it is used to describe God. God is our helper. To be a helper is to act in the image of God. Women have a high and holy, made-in-the-image-of-God-like calling:
“Our soul waits for the Lord;
He is our help and our shield.”
(Psalm 33:20Psalm 33:20 commentary)
But to be a helper requires an invitation to dance from the partner, the husband.
When husbands don’t invite wives into their lives, to fully share as a partner in all they do, they are preventing their wife from fulfilling her calling as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
It is a challenge for men to do this. This is not something men do naturally. Men are focused. Men don’t like vulnerability. They don’t like exposing themselves to potential rejection by telling their wives something they think will help but they might not like (“Eve, I recommend you don’t eat that fruit”). But men need to embrace all these things and honor their wives. To serve their wives ultimately benefits themselves (Ephesians 5:28Ephesians 5:28 commentary).
This passage ends with a sobering reality—if husbands don’t treat their wives with honor and understanding, their prayers will be hindered. If men won’t invite their wives to partner with them in life, God won’t invite men of the church (His bride) to partner with Him.
The biblical pattern is that God does for us what we do to others. This is often His judgement. It is also His forgiveness, as we see in the Lord’s prayer, which asks God to forgive us just as we forgive others. Afterwards Jesus explains,
“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions”
(Matthew 6:14-15Matthew 6:14-15 commentary).
For men, if they love their wives, they will seek to understand their wives. They will seek to invite their wives to fully partner, so that their prayers won’t be hindered (so that God’s partnership with you won’t be inhibited by your failure to honor your wife).
This all boils down to discovering ways to love one another like Jesus loves us. Sometimes Jesus says things we don’t want to hear—like telling us to focus on the needs of our spouse over our own needs. That can be hard. Sometimes truth is difficult. Sometimes patience is difficult. Each situation requires wisdom to know what is best.
But God is our partner. We can love our spouse as service to God. The church is the bride of Christ, and Christ is the example of how to love as a husband should love (Ephesians 5:32Ephesians 5:32 commentary). Jesus gave Himself for our benefit. Wives have the high and holy opportunity to provide an example to their husbands of how to engage constructively as a helper to Jesus. Men have the high and holy opportunity to love their wives in a sacrificial manner, as Christ loves the church.
To love one another means to love our spouses. That means putting their needs over our own, and loving them by helping them find God’s calling, to fulfill their design. For men, this means risking vulnerability and using words to help our wives be their best. It means to open up to them and invite them to partner in all we do. For women, it means avoiding words of criticism, and instead using words that honor. It means focusing not only on outer appearance, but inner beauty, with an example of godly character, as unto the Lord.
When we love our spouse, we are loving God, and we are the greatest beneficiary.